Schmammogram

Last week I had my annual mammogram. It wasn't annual, though, because last time I did it was 2002. I am determined to make it an annual thing from now on. Why? Because I am 40 now and because my mom got breast cancer when she was 43. She ended up having a double mastectomy but luckily did not have to have chemo or radiation. She has been cancer free since then. I think the reason I waited so long to have another mammogram is because I am so afraid that they will actually find something. Yes, I know that is not logical- wouldn't I want it to be found right away? Avoidance. I am good at that.

I don't remember a whole lot about that time. My mom was 43 so I would have been in 10th grade. I was so anxious about the surgery and I remember her showing me the scar when she was still in the hospital. It was a horrible huge bloody thing with a drainage tube coming out of it.(She is still not shy about her scar- my daughters have seen it.) I remember driving to the hospital to visit her. I brought her 3 yellow roses from her 3 daughters. She was very touched by that. It was a huge gesture for me. At that time my mom and I hated each other. I was a horrible, selfish, angst-filled teen with an attitude. But the whole episode really shook me. We all chipped in helping around the house. I remember actually ironing my dad's work shirts. I would also fix dinner. Gradually she healed and things got back to normal. Our relationship got back to 'normal', too. But it wasn't nearly so fierce. I think God gave us a time-out.

So, back to my mammogram. It hurt. It was squeezy and pinchy. I felt like the skin from my chin was being pulled into the machine. The technician was wonderful and kind. She would say things like 'are you doing ok?'. I would answer 'yep'. I wasn't ok. It really hurt. But I didn't want them to miss one damn speck of my breast. The technician got 'textbook' images. Thank God I didn't have a 'do-over'. Two days later I got a letter saying that my mammogram was negative. (Does anyone else think that the use of 'negative' in medical situations is confusing? Negative is GOOD? Huh?)

Yay for mammograms. I having one every year. I want to be able to tell my daughters to get mammograms. I want them to have the opportunity to say, with eyes rolling, 'Yeah, right Mom, WHATEVER.' Maybe they won't say that, though. They've seen Granny's scar.