It's Been a Bad Day (Please Don't Take My Picture)

So. This past Tuesday I went to my yearly Dr. appointment. Yeah, that's right, the fun one. Among other things, I told the Dr. that I had been feeling fatigued and achy for several months. No wonder you're fatigued, she said. Your hemoglobin is at 9. She had some blood taken for testing but meanwhile prescribed an iron supplement to get me started.

So. Then I went and picked up J and took my sister to the grocery store. Got home and decided some Chinese food would be good. Jon went to pick it up. After he had been gone awhile I decided to take my new iron pill, thinking I'd get a jump on this and start feeling better. Noticed the pill is very large. Briefly thought about the fact that I don't like taking large pills. Decided to take the pill wanting to feel better and all. Got myself a glass of water. Put the pill in my mouth. Swallowed it. But not really. That mother-effin' pill got stuck in my throat. Right where my Adam's apple would be if I had one. I gagged and wheezed and coughed and felt like I couldn't breathe. But I could. I was just panicking. Jamie came in very concerned. Mommy are you alright? Yes. (Notice I am able to talk.) But I have something caught in my throat. J starts to be worried. She starts to cry. She runs to her room because she is upset.

Meanwhile, I am leaning over the kitchen sink trying to get this thing out of my throat. Not pretty. Able to breathe, though. Jon comes home with the food. Hey, Kate, are you okay? what's wrong? OMG. I have this iron pill stuck in my throat! It won't go down and it won't come up! Now I am starting to panic. Is it going to move into my airway? Do we need to call 911? I tell Jon he needs to take me to the emergency room. I feel like the thing is stuck there forever. I take a plastic bag and paper towels because I can't swallow my spit. We drive to the E.R. and of course we end up behind someone who is actually DRIVING THE SPEED LIMIT in our neighborhood. God, you idiot! Get the hell out of the way! I don't care if you're old! We are in a hurry here! Because of this slow-ass driver we miss the light (the longest light in the world).

Finally we arrive at the ER and double park behind someone because there are no other spaces. This is where my inexperience with ERs begins to show. Everything S-L-O-W-S D-O-W-N. Who do we talk to? What do we do? No one is running out to see what is wrong. We go through some doors and I sit down in a chair while Jon signs us in. Seriously S-L-O-W-L-Y. No one is rushing around. No one is noticing my distress. I'm thinking ,well, if I wasn't breathing and I passed out on the floor, then MAYBE they would take notice. I decide this is not a good way to get their attention. I see a sign that says triage. This doesn't feel like the triage on MASH or 'E.R.' Then I think, well, maybe a helicopter has just landed with several accident victims and they are preparing for their arrival. No sign of any gurneys, yet. Still no sign. I see several medical people walking (not running) around. They have been trained through years of experience NOT to have eye contact with me.

Finally. A triage nurse calls my name and we go into this little room. He is very kind but it's obvious that he has seen a lot worse. He is not panicking like I am. I tell him what has happened. Jon shows him a pill so he can see how huge it is. He takes my blood pressure and pulse and then shows me to a cubicle with sliding glass doors and a curtain. The doctor comes in and is very nice. He is also a little surprised that I have a pill stuck in my throat. The Dr. looks down my throat with that light thing and tells me to say ahhh. He gets me a glass of water and asks me to try to swallow some. I try and am able to. This is the first good sign. I actually swallowed some water! The bad thing about this is that the pill is dissolving in my throat and I can actually hear and feel a sort of crackling. It still won't go down though. The taste of the pill in my throat is the most nasty of nastiness. It makes me want to throw up but there is nothing in my stomach. It isn't often that I WANT to throw up. If I could just do it now, it might dislodge that sucker and get that nasty taste out of my mouth. The doctor tells me to continue sipping the water and the nurse will be in to give me some meds to relax my esophagus.

After a while the nurse comes in and gives me an IV and the medicine. It makes me feel weird. Not really relaxed, but antsy. I want to wiggle my legs around.
But. I keep sipping and pretty soon I notice that the pill has moved down to the area just above that roundish dent in my clavicle. The doctor comes in again after a long, long time. (Still no rushing about on any one's part outside my cubicle.)I tell him it has moved down a little bit and he seems encouraged. I tell him I am worried it's going to go into my breathing tube. He gives me an anatomy lesson on the esophagus and reassures me that the flapper thingy on my thing-a-ma-jiggy won't let that happen. That relaxes me even more. All this time I've been worried that I was eventually not going to be able to breathe. The doctor says if it doesn't move down any more we may have to do an x-ray. He leaves and I keep sipping and relaxing and FINALLY, FINALLY I feel that giant huge mother-effer move down far enough that it's darn close to my actual stomach.

I tell the nurse this the next time he stops in. He goes to tell the Dr. who comes back and takes my vitals again (see, I'm catchin' the lingo). He says I can go now so the nurse takes my IV out and we head home. We get home and I just want to go to bed. It has been almsot three hours since I tried to take my pill. Jon and J have some Chinese food that I thoughtfully, despite my panic, told Jon to put in the fridge before we left. It's been a bad day.