First of all...
Happy Birthday, Pete!
My esteemed brother-in-law is the one who told me about Motel of the Mysteries. He gave me the book for Christmas 2005. Here is a description I cribbed from Amazon:
It is the year 4022; all of the ancient country of Usa has been buried under many feet of detritus from a catastrophe that occurred back in 1985. Imagine, then, the excitement that Howard Carson, an amateur archaeologist at best, experienced when in crossing the perimeter of an abandoned excavation site he felt the ground give way beneath him and found himself at the bottom of a shaft, which, judging from the DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from an archaic doorknob, was clearly the entrance to a still-sealed burial chamber. Carson's incredible discoveries, including the remains of two bodies, one of then on a ceremonial bed facing an altar that appeared to be a means of communicating with the Gods and the other lying in a porcelain sarcophagus in the Inner Chamber, permitted him to piece together the whole fabric of that extraordinary civilization.
A couple of my favorites are when they describe a toilet seat as 'The Sacred Collar': an article worn by the ranking celebrant at a final burial ceremony; and a toilet cleaning brush as 'The Sacred Aspergillum': once it had been dipped into the water of the sacred urn it was shaken over the deceased...
Anyway, all of this leads up to the fact that recently there has been a mysterious local excavation. I am not talking about the dinosaurs excavated by my daughters at Simon's birthday party. Those were totally cool and are still being talked about.
Perhaps you, my loyal readers, can help uncover the mystery of this recent excavation. Following is a list of items discovered. What do they tell you about the site? What do they tell you about the civilization and culture of these people?
- a white plastic 'Jason' hockey mask
- poker chips
- a sleeping bag
- an iron
- a bleach pen
- magic markers
- and Ivar's Keep Clam t-shirt
- a plastic grocery sack with a deodorant stick inside
- a giant wad of white Christmas lights
- a roll of duct tape
- a roll of fishing line
- a WalMart sack containing 5 navy blue t-shirts in various sizes
- an empty bucket of bubble gum
What do YOU think, loyal readers?
3 comments:
It looks to me like you've discovered a site where some sort of hermit was living. All the essential tools for long term survival are there...duct tape and fishing line and bubble gum for sustinance.
The poker chips and magic markers must be how this hermit entertained him/herself. The multiple shirts, deodorant and the iron suggest a clean hermit anyway. Really more of a vagabond than a bum. The Christmas lights probably mean this mess has been there for a while.
And the hockey mask? Were there ice skates nearby? If not you may want to check to see if any bodies are buried near the excavation site.
First of all: Thanks!
Second, about this mystery, I'm thinking that they're some sort of vandals, perhaps graffiti taggers. They have the poker chips for entertainment, but everything else can be used either for vandalism or for living a disguised life on the run from the Man. Hmmm....
For crying out loud keep clam!
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